If You Ever Go
by EveningInHornersCorners
Summary: It was the moment when she was at her weakest, when her hope had waned to its lowest point. But he was there, ready to give her more. Set during "Love Means Not Having to Say You're Bananas."


Their trek back to camp has been a quiet one thus far. She's been breathing raggedly, which he merely attributes to a lasting shock at being kidnapped by that beast. It makes him hold her a little bit tighter, hoping that maybe, after all she's been through, he can send her a quiet message that nothing else is going to happen.

What he doesn't know is that the battle isn't yet done.

They're halfway back or so when it occurs.

She doubles over, falling from his grasp and to the ground in a wretched, miserable heap, her skin almost as white as her nightgown. He quickens his pace, dropping to her side on his knees, prepared to carry her if she can't make it on her own.

When she speaks, her voice is strong but hollow and entirely devoid of hope.

"I can't go on Andy."

"Of course. You must be exhausted. Why don't we break for a while and if…"

"No. No, Andy, you don't understand. I don't mean…I mean… I can't go on to California. This…to know that I can just be snatched from my wagon, by a _gorilla_ of all things, and carried off into the wilderness, while my friends stand by and do _nothing_…if that's what the West's all about, I'd sooner not be a part of it. The…the next chance I get, I'm going to catch a stage and…and go back east." She wipes a tear out from the corner of her eye and shudders.

He just looks at her for a moment, unsure which part of her statement he ought to respond to first.

Or if he should respond at all.

"You…you have no idea how scared I was in that cave all last night. I just felt so alone and…helpless. I hate feeling helpless. I hate having to depend on people. And back home, I didn't have to. No more than any other school teacher, anyway. But now I'm always scared of the uncertainty, what might be around the next corner. Out here, it's as if…Oh Andy, I just don't know!" She buries her face in her hands and sobs.

He hesitates for a moment, bewildered, before awkwardly looping his arms around her and pulling her up to his chest. It's a useless gesture—and he knows it—but somehow it seems like the right thing to do.

She cries into his shirt for a little while longer before the tears begin to taper off. The last ones come silently, with no heavy breathing or wails to speak of. She sighs as she loosens herself from his arms and leans back against the ground. Her eyes are still red and swollen, but the pallor has left her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Andy." She murmurs. "I shouldn't have involved you in that."

Once again he's at a loss for what to say, but all of a sudden words begin streaming into his head and out his mouth.

"Not all the West is like what we've seen Betsy. Maybe our wagon train is just a magnet for trouble or something, but in most instances, gorillas, for example, don't even walk this continent. If you thought we didn't do anything when that creature abducted you…we were worried _sick_. I don't think any of us could sleep. We had to figure out some way to rescue you, and we did. Somehow, we did. But things like that don't define the West. The letters from my cousin Homer are full of hope for everything out here…and there. We still have a way to go before we get to California. There are still of lot of things we'll face. But," he looks straight into her eyes, "You're a survivor, Betsy. Surely you having come this far is proof of that. Don't bail out on us. Not now."

She looks out at the surrounding trees with a certain wistfulness in her eyes.

"But all the uncertainty…how…?"

"You'll do fine, Betsy. You have a heart of California gold, and you're not afraid to get your hands dirty. Leave the east to the teachers who aren't ready to get down on their hands and knees and build a school themselves. You're what California _needs_. Imagine us all when we get there—Mr. Callahan out ahead, Dusty driving the stagecoach with the Brookhavens, and you and Lulu up on the wagon seat with me. Betsy," he takes her hands in his, "I want you to be next to me when that day comes. And if you've taken the stage back east..."

"I won't be there." She says softly, her voice hesitant and contemplative, as though she's just had a great revelation. She staggers to her feet, almost tripping on her nightgown.

He glances up. "Where are you going?"

"Back to the wagon and stage, of course. We have to get to California _somehow_."

His heart singing, he gets to his feet too and drapes his arm around her in like it was before. They start to walk, both somehow energized.

They've been going for a little while when she looks up at him and smiles, her pearly teeth gleaming in the sunlight.

"Thank you Andy. Thank you for talking me out of it."

He smiles too, and tightens his arm around her shoulders.

"Mr. Callahan told me to take care of you. And that's exactly what I plan to do."


End file.
